A Solution And Not A Problem

Sometimes, I walk away from church and wonder what am I doing. Today, I had one of those days. We have been taking all the kids to the service, because the children's ministry was giving their volunteers a break. I think that it is great to give the volunteers a break especially since I am one of them. I had the kids by myself today, and near the end of the speaker I had all I could take. I told them to gather there things that we were leaving.

We walked out early. I scolded the girls, and told them how they should act. The truth is that I have felt guilty about it ever since. I really want my kids to enjoy church. I have heard that most kids walk away from church after they leave for college. The reason that I felt guilty is that I truly have had a hard time enjoying church. I really don't think there is anything wrong with our church. It is a great church. I think that my heart is struggling with the universal church. I mean the church all over the world. I am not sure if what we are doing is working so well.

I don't want to be a problem for the church, but I am not sure where I fit anymore. I go, and it feels so much like my heart is just going through the motions. I show up because that is what I am suppose to do. I know that if I want my kids to enjoy church and find meaning and purpose in it, then I am certainly going to have to find it too.

I am not about to give up on the church. Paul in Acts 20:28 is giving a farewell to Ephesian elders and he says ,"Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood. "
I know that I am not an elder, but I believe that we as christians have a responsibility to be small shepherds over the church and to help the church communicate the message of Jesus Christ. I mean if Jesus bought it with His own blood then it is an important thing to Him. It should be that important to me. So, I guess that I want to find a solution to my heart -not enjoying church. I am determined to not go through the motions and, I will somehow find purpose in church! I want to be a solution and not a problem for something that Christ loved so much!

So, What Do You Do On A Vacation?

You lay on the beach and do nothing!

You go to the NASA Space Center in Houston and stand in front of something that went to the moon and you get to touch a moon rock on a very hot day!

You lay in the pop up camper and sweat while you take a nap! It is only 9 am!

You play checkers and UNO, because their is bacteria in the ocean and there is a NO SWIM advisory!

You put up an umbrella, because the cool shelter you bought tore up!

I suppose camping can be called a vacation?

Summer Fun

On my birthday my parents finished their visit with us. It was a sad thing to see them go back to JC. We had such a great visit. While they were here, Steve went on a mission project. He had a good time, but he is still exhausted from it. He got to go to Graceland and eat ribs at a famous BQ place. It was kind of cool, because the President went to Graceland and the rib restaurant the same day Steve and the teens went. (No, they did not actually get to see him.)

We spent the Fourth with Daniel and Michelle. We did the American thing and grilled hamburgers and hotdogs and went to see the fireworks. We have been in a severe drought, and we have not seen rain in a long time. Of course, it rained for the Fourth. It slowed down during the fireworks (which was nice). Now when it rains, we all go to the door in amazement. It just feels so weird when you have not seen rain in so long!

We are on our way to Galveston beach in 2 days. We are going camping there for almost a week. I now begin the terrible journey of packing the camper and the kids. It feels like summer is flying by now. At first, it seemed slow. Oh well!

We Will Just Have To See!

We had a good Fathers Day. The girls made something for Steve. He had to work, but I think that it was okay.

Steve and I watched the Mavs this weekend too. We never have been much into the sport scene. I got to see the team play last season. It was really neat. I had never been to a NBA game. I grew up watching my brother play basketball. I really enjoy watching good games, and I sort of know what it going on when a team plays.

Steve, on the other hand, is more of an intellectual. He never has had much interest in sports, but during these finals he has been glued to the tube. I have heard more choice words and yelling coming from Steve during these games then I have heard in a long time. It is really a funny sight with him and me jumping up and down hollering about bad shots and crazy fouls. Who knew that we had all that in us! This last game in the finals was so exciting. I look forward to the next one to see just what will happen.

Meg and Maddie are gone this week to a camp. Kenzie is beside herself. She was so lonely yesterday, and she whinnied a lot. This morning Kenzie told Meg that she was so so sad because she was going to miss them. Maddie only went to half-day kinder, and she was home in the afternoons last school season. I hope that this is not the future for Kenzie and I. Surely, she and I will find things to do while they are at school.

I guess we will have to just see how things go this Fall for Kenzie and I . We will also have to just see how these basketball games turn out too!

Slowing Down

It has been a relaxing summer so far. The girls have enjoyed the sprinkler park down the road. It is neat, because it is free. Megan said that it was for babies. I told her that sometimes we do things because our little sisters like to do them. Steve messed the chemicals up in our pool and now it looks like milk. He said that we will drain it and start over soon.

The girls are going to a camp next week. Kenzie is too little so we will have some mommy time. The girls are so excited about it. Megan went last year and now Madison is old enough this year. Our Fine Arts Department puts on a Fine Arts camp. The kids have a counselor, and they have classes to learns how to sing, dance, act, and paint props. At the end of the week, the campers get to put on a show. It is pretty impressive. Last year there was about 300 kids on stage.

My parents are coming for a visit. The kids are very excited. They have not been out here in almost 1 1/2 years. We don't get many visitors. I know it is because we live so far from our families. This will be a treat for the kids.

While they are here, Steve will be on a mission project in Memphis. I said that it had been a relaxing summer for me, but Steve has had it rough. Today, will be his last class until Fall. He took 2 back to back summer classes. It still continues to be hard working full-time and going to school part-time. He rarely has time to play husband and daddy. We are excited that he will be done with school until Fall. I hope that the summer continues to be slow! Slowing down sure feels good!

What Would A Great Backyard Look Like?

This is a wonderful playset built by the Love of My life!
This is our new Walmart pool! Wow, I would definitely recommend it!
This is our new addition. My sweetie built it over this last weekend (actually, on Saturday). It will help us beat the Heat!
This is our only tree in the backyard. I suppose that it makes the backyard complete. So, what makes a great backyard? I think that this is a great backyard complete with all the amenities that a family needs! Okay, now that the kids are out of school -I don't have a lot of blogging ideas!

Pride

Most of us don't think about things unless we have too. I think that all of us are searching for something. We are searching for a place to fit and belong. We also often find ourselves letting things creep into our lives that don't exactly need to be there. These things definitely make life hard. I think that our own sin and Satan have a lot to do with how long these things stay in our life.

I keep experiencing doubt about being where we are right now as a family. I often question our decision to be here at Seminary. There are so many days that I just want to quit. I know that Steve feels the same way. Feeling this way, I begin to let worry, loneliness, and fear just accompany me. I know that Steve and I as a family have very few here that we can count on. We just have not had time to build the community that we need. He works with some great people, but they seem so distant to me. He knows that he can count on them. I just think that we live to far from our church for me to count on them. I know that when a person doesn't make friends and build a community of believers around them that it is their own fault. I do own it.

This may be all self pity, but as I look back over my last 3 years. I have no idea where Steve and I would have had the time to build strong Christian friendships. This may be just an excuse. I do know that I have let something creep into my life. I think that my own sin and Satan has really enjoyed it. It is called pride. I keep thinking that my family's journey can be done alone. I am realizing that doing things all by yourself creates a hardship that does not need to be there. So, what am I searching for? Who else-God! I am going to ask God to bring some Texas Christian believing friends by our side.

I just will never know why we as a people feel the need to have pride in our lives. I mean it would be so much easier to let God help! So what are you searching for?

A Real Good Slime!

Field day is something very exciting at our school. It takes a lot of dedicated volunteers to pull off an event like this. This year at our school Field Day started with the principal getting slimed. The slime was made of an oatmeal goo that one of the coaches made up. This year the class that raised the most money for the bounce houses got to pull the rope that slimed the principal. I think that our principal is a pretty neat guy to get a trash can of goo poured over him with 600 kids watching.

The coaches did a great job getting this event ready. I really appreciate all their hard work. Hard work like this often goes unnoticed. I know that schools often have their flaws, and we tend to focus on the bad stuff. I think that we often don't notice the great stuff that happens. As a strong critical parent, I want to take time to applaud the staff at our little school! Great job-Guys! It was a great slime and a great day for the students!

A Slow Change

A strange thing has happened to my thinking since we moved. The change has been slow. I have found myself wondering where does the worship service at church fit. I know that great theological minds probably have wrestled with this already, but I sincerely have been wondering where does the worship service fit in my life.

I am at a time in my life where I am questioning the church scene. I am not abandoning what I know to be true. My savior and the truth that comes from the Bible is what I cling to, but I am starting to face the world and wonder- are we(Christians) up on the times.

The large worship time is becoming hard for me. I am finding myself just wanting to be known. I know that everyone says join a small group and that may be all I need. The fact is that I don't like a show on Sundays. I like the simply worship and biblical teaching. I like creativity too. I like honesty and authenticity. I like relevance to my life.

I don't like choirs, and I don't like the hugeness of it all. I am not sure why this has been on my heart for the last couple of years. I think this is a time in my life where I am analyzing the church. I am by no means wanting to leave the church. I feel like Christ has given us the body to build each other up and remember Him. I just wish it was not such a production. I know that leaders in the church are doing the best that they know. I just wish that I could find a way to deal with my concerns. I think that this next generation will be looking for some of these similar traits, and I am truly burdened. It is a good thing that Christ does not act like me. He certainly is not concerned with how we do our worship as long as we do it!

One of a Kind

Of course, I must say something about Kenzie. She is sweet, but certainly knows how to get her way. The others are so shy at times, but somehow Ken did not receive that shyness. She is so smart. As I read with Maddie, Kenzie often tells me the next word. I don't think she can read. I think she figures out the context of the story and goes from there. Sometimes, I get a little worried about how many things she knows already. I certainly did not teach her any of it.

She is resourceful. She somehow ends up with things that I never dreamed she could have. The funny thing is that she has an excuse for all of them. I love her dearly, and I remember how surprised that I was to learn that I was pregnant with her. She was a surprise that has turned out to be a joy. She completes our family and brings spice to it too.

My Reflection

If I could describe Maddie, I would have to say she is sweet as could be. When she was first born, I was really ready for her. She did not cry much, and she was very easy going. Her asthma and allergies have been a challenge for her and us, but she doesn' t let that slow her down. She has such a kind spirit about her. She tends to have a strong desire to be obedient.

She loves the outdoors and loves sports. I often wonder how much to push her in sports. I really have no desire to be the parent that places their child in every sport, but I do want to push her to her potential. I know a lot of parents don't pursue their children's interests. They only pursue their own. The results are that a lot of kids end up settling for less in life. They never find their special place or thing that makes them feel like they fit. I want to help Maddie find that in life.

She really reminds me a lot of me. We have similar personalities. Sometimes, I think that I am looking at my reflection. She tends to take what is giving to her and doesn't complain-at least not much! She is so beautiful and not only on the outside. I really am blessed to be her mother!

Coming So Far!

When we moved to Texas, Megan was so disoriented. I believe that she felt lost. She experienced the same emotions that we had. We left a wonderful place where family and friends could comfort us and stand by us. We came to a place where we really knew no one. Meg is shy and scared a lot and anything knew for her is a big deal. When we first got here, she would not play soccer and would scream in the car before the practices. It took her 6 weeks to talk to her kindergarten teacher at school. She has always had a shy side. I know this shy side of her has to do with fear. If she is comfortable around you, she tends to come out of her shell.

Since 3 years ago, she has started to bloom a little. I see the sweetness of her soul. Sometimes when a child is having problems adjusting and their behavior is not pleasing to you, we tend to forget the child behind the problem. As Meg continues to grow up, I have began to see a wonderful godly girl who really loves the Lord and desires to do the right thing. I am excited to see how the Lord will use Meg when she grows up. It really has been a privilege to be her mom! She has come to far. She now is on a soccer team, has friends at school, and talks at church.

The Crossover weekend!

We have finally gotten our internet changed, and now I can post some pics from the crossover retreat with the teens. We played and watched all weekend and it was great!The girls favorite was pickle ball. Steve looks pretty good in the crud war! The teens had 3 rounds of it and they got to throw flour, shaving cream, and then horse yuck on eachother.

I need to say that this last week has been extremely hard. We had an incident that I can't talk about. And yesterday, Steve had his second test done on his throat. They stretched it again, and they said that they would have to do it again in 8weeks. We also heard tonight that Steve's oldest sister is in the hospital for some tests.

We had 2 soccer games today and another one tomorrow. Maddie's team killed the team they played and Megan's team only scored one point and got beat pretty bad.

Some good news from this last week is that my brother's family is moving back to the Tricity area. He just accepted a job with King Pharmaceuticals in Bristol. I am excited for him and Teal. Now, with there new addition, they can be closer to mom and dad. I am sure that they will take advantage of that free babysitting that grandmothers do!

3 Tues

1. We got back from a youth retreat late Sunday afternoon (pics later). The girls and I had a good time. Steve did too. He sure was exhausted on Monday. I think he caught a cold and just gave and gave and gave. We had 200 on the retreat. He was short a leader which was stressful, but it worked out okay. We had a speaker brought in for 6th and 7th. Steve taught the 8th. Alot of the 8th grade was thanking Steve for his honesty on Love, Sex, and Dating. I heard that they had their traditional burning at the bonfire after the 8th grade girls left! I am not sure what Steve burned? All in All, it turned out to be a good retreat! I think there was some decisions made about Christ, which is exciting!

2. My next exciting event is a field trip with Megan. They are going to the Dallas arboretum which is beautiful this time of year.

3. Also, we are finally changing internet providers. Finally! It has been very frustrating and a painful. I would not recommend it.

Growing Up

As I picked up Meg from school yesterday, she walked out with her bag of goodies. She and Steve had participated in the American Heart Association Jumprope thing at her school. She raise money and jumped rope for it. She received gifts for raising money. I thought she looked so cute with her big bag of stuff. She looked so proud and excited. When we got to the car, she pulled up her shirt a little and clipped to her belt loop was a radio that had earphones.

At the time, I did not think much about the radio. We got home, and she crawled out of the back. She had the earphones in, and I realized that I had no idea what she was listening too. It scared me. I told her that her dad probably needed to approve what she listens to. She told me that it's okay I don't listen to the words. Oh my! Can you believe it? I use to listen to teenagers say the same thing. I can't help worrying about the future.

The neat thing was that she was clicking through stations, and said I better turn the station because this is rap music. I think that it is bad. I did not even know that Meg knew what rap music was. I am consistently praying for my kids to make the right choices and lean on God for their direction. I know ultimately they have to be gently guided with a lot of prayer.-Seeing your kids grow up is hard.

Who knew!

Okay, I just wanted to let you know that I will not be blogging for awhile. We are trying to switch internet providers, and they said it could take up to two weeks. Boy, what a bummer. I thought that a switch in service would only take a day or two. Who knew! I suppose that we will have to occupy our time by watching more TV!

Early 3 Tuesdays

After Beaver Bend , We went to the Dallas Zoo!Megan's favorite animal!

I am going to be to busy tomorrow and our internet is going to be changed today, so here are some early things:

1. We lost both the girl's soccer games on Saturday. Boo-hoo!

2. Spring fever is no more, because I think Spring has arrived here in Texas. Things are blooming and the temperature is going to be in the 60's to the 80's. Sorry Lisa!

3. In 2 weeks, we go to Pinecove for our spring youth retreat. In TN, our youth trips were in lodges. When we go to Pinecove on a retreat, I feel like that I am at summer camp. It is great! I know the teens like it. The girls and I just walk around and play pickle ball and ride horses!

A Quiet Retreat

Our Adventure at Beaver Bend

We enjoyed our quiet break. Our camping experience was great! We met some new friends. We fished, hung out and played. We did not catch any fish, but we told the kids since we live near a lake that we would try again when we got home. By the second night we decided to leave. So the next day, we traveled back to Dallas. We were just so cold at night that it made it a little hard. We came home and enjoyed the Dallas zoo and did some spring cleaning. As the week came to a close, Steve and I both felt rested. I also felt like our family bonded this past week. It was just a really great week!

The Good Things In Life

The kids last day was yesterday and it feels great. I love this time of year where the weather starts to warm up and things come back to life. Spring break is a wonderful time. Steve's actual break has not started yet. He preaches tomorrow. It is an honor for him to continue to get a chance to preach. Our pastor is so gracious to let him do it. He told me a couple of days ago that it is something that he loves doing. Eventhough I see him exhausted at times, I see him come alive with passion when he has the opportunity to speak to the whole body.

Today, my packing journey begins. I must get the camper ready for our trip. I also have to wash the car and vacuum it. It really needs it. There is something about our family van. It never stays clean inside for a very long time. I hope that chances when the girls get older. I am excited about our camping trip. I don't know if we will be bored or not. My objective on this trip is for us to just chill and enjoy each other as a family. I am looking for some good old peace and quiet. Everyone has said that Beaver Bend in Broken Arrow is beautiful. We will just see about that!

I learned some wonderful news last night. My brother and his wife are pregnant. She has not been to the doctor yet, but the home test confirmed it. I am so excited about it. I know that their little girl, named Madeline, wants a sister. I think that my brother would like a boy. I know my dad would like a little boy too. My girls want it to be a girl. They said boys are yuckie. I don't think they understand that cousin boys are okay especially cute little babies. Personally,I really just want them to have a healthy baby boy or girl.

I feel excited and encouraged. It seems like the good often out weighs the bad in life!

Wishing For a little Tuscan!

Lately, I have been finding myself wanting a little Tuscan. What does that mean? Well the other night, I watched an older movie called Under the Tuscan Sun. Yes, there was a gay couple and the main character thought she needed a man, but I still related a little. She had just went through a divorce that totally disoriented her. She ends up buying a house in Tuscany. It becomes her project to remodel this house. While upset, she explains to her realtor all the things she wants. Later, in the movie, he reminds her that she had receive all of it. She had not gotten it the way she thought she would. Tuscany became her healing spot.

I guess lately that I have been wanting to find a place that could be my refudge. I think that some of the past couple weeks have brought me to a point where I need a Tuscany -a place to recover, a place to call my own, a place to restrengthen and a place to find peace. I kind of think we probably all need one.

Okay, enough of that mushy stuff. Here are my Tuesday things:

1. When your hard drive crashes, it is bad especially if you have not backed it up! You basically start your computer life over. I know what I am talking about because it happened this last week to me.


2.We are going to Beaver Bend Monday for a camping trip. I am excited. We picked up the camper Sunday. Tipp, a friend from Watermark, has been so kind to let us use it.

3. Please pray for us. Steve's test came back that he had something that needs to be watched because it can turn into cancer easily. Also, pray for a way for us to finish Steve's seminary degree with out it killing us. The financial worry and the mental toll is overwhelming for us!