A Solution And Not A Problem

Sometimes, I walk away from church and wonder what am I doing. Today, I had one of those days. We have been taking all the kids to the service, because the children's ministry was giving their volunteers a break. I think that it is great to give the volunteers a break especially since I am one of them. I had the kids by myself today, and near the end of the speaker I had all I could take. I told them to gather there things that we were leaving.

We walked out early. I scolded the girls, and told them how they should act. The truth is that I have felt guilty about it ever since. I really want my kids to enjoy church. I have heard that most kids walk away from church after they leave for college. The reason that I felt guilty is that I truly have had a hard time enjoying church. I really don't think there is anything wrong with our church. It is a great church. I think that my heart is struggling with the universal church. I mean the church all over the world. I am not sure if what we are doing is working so well.

I don't want to be a problem for the church, but I am not sure where I fit anymore. I go, and it feels so much like my heart is just going through the motions. I show up because that is what I am suppose to do. I know that if I want my kids to enjoy church and find meaning and purpose in it, then I am certainly going to have to find it too.

I am not about to give up on the church. Paul in Acts 20:28 is giving a farewell to Ephesian elders and he says ,"Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood. "
I know that I am not an elder, but I believe that we as christians have a responsibility to be small shepherds over the church and to help the church communicate the message of Jesus Christ. I mean if Jesus bought it with His own blood then it is an important thing to Him. It should be that important to me. So, I guess that I want to find a solution to my heart -not enjoying church. I am determined to not go through the motions and, I will somehow find purpose in church! I want to be a solution and not a problem for something that Christ loved so much!