Pride

Most of us don't think about things unless we have too. I think that all of us are searching for something. We are searching for a place to fit and belong. We also often find ourselves letting things creep into our lives that don't exactly need to be there. These things definitely make life hard. I think that our own sin and Satan have a lot to do with how long these things stay in our life.

I keep experiencing doubt about being where we are right now as a family. I often question our decision to be here at Seminary. There are so many days that I just want to quit. I know that Steve feels the same way. Feeling this way, I begin to let worry, loneliness, and fear just accompany me. I know that Steve and I as a family have very few here that we can count on. We just have not had time to build the community that we need. He works with some great people, but they seem so distant to me. He knows that he can count on them. I just think that we live to far from our church for me to count on them. I know that when a person doesn't make friends and build a community of believers around them that it is their own fault. I do own it.

This may be all self pity, but as I look back over my last 3 years. I have no idea where Steve and I would have had the time to build strong Christian friendships. This may be just an excuse. I do know that I have let something creep into my life. I think that my own sin and Satan has really enjoyed it. It is called pride. I keep thinking that my family's journey can be done alone. I am realizing that doing things all by yourself creates a hardship that does not need to be there. So, what am I searching for? Who else-God! I am going to ask God to bring some Texas Christian believing friends by our side.

I just will never know why we as a people feel the need to have pride in our lives. I mean it would be so much easier to let God help! So what are you searching for?

A Real Good Slime!

Field day is something very exciting at our school. It takes a lot of dedicated volunteers to pull off an event like this. This year at our school Field Day started with the principal getting slimed. The slime was made of an oatmeal goo that one of the coaches made up. This year the class that raised the most money for the bounce houses got to pull the rope that slimed the principal. I think that our principal is a pretty neat guy to get a trash can of goo poured over him with 600 kids watching.

The coaches did a great job getting this event ready. I really appreciate all their hard work. Hard work like this often goes unnoticed. I know that schools often have their flaws, and we tend to focus on the bad stuff. I think that we often don't notice the great stuff that happens. As a strong critical parent, I want to take time to applaud the staff at our little school! Great job-Guys! It was a great slime and a great day for the students!

A Slow Change

A strange thing has happened to my thinking since we moved. The change has been slow. I have found myself wondering where does the worship service at church fit. I know that great theological minds probably have wrestled with this already, but I sincerely have been wondering where does the worship service fit in my life.

I am at a time in my life where I am questioning the church scene. I am not abandoning what I know to be true. My savior and the truth that comes from the Bible is what I cling to, but I am starting to face the world and wonder- are we(Christians) up on the times.

The large worship time is becoming hard for me. I am finding myself just wanting to be known. I know that everyone says join a small group and that may be all I need. The fact is that I don't like a show on Sundays. I like the simply worship and biblical teaching. I like creativity too. I like honesty and authenticity. I like relevance to my life.

I don't like choirs, and I don't like the hugeness of it all. I am not sure why this has been on my heart for the last couple of years. I think this is a time in my life where I am analyzing the church. I am by no means wanting to leave the church. I feel like Christ has given us the body to build each other up and remember Him. I just wish it was not such a production. I know that leaders in the church are doing the best that they know. I just wish that I could find a way to deal with my concerns. I think that this next generation will be looking for some of these similar traits, and I am truly burdened. It is a good thing that Christ does not act like me. He certainly is not concerned with how we do our worship as long as we do it!

One of a Kind

Of course, I must say something about Kenzie. She is sweet, but certainly knows how to get her way. The others are so shy at times, but somehow Ken did not receive that shyness. She is so smart. As I read with Maddie, Kenzie often tells me the next word. I don't think she can read. I think she figures out the context of the story and goes from there. Sometimes, I get a little worried about how many things she knows already. I certainly did not teach her any of it.

She is resourceful. She somehow ends up with things that I never dreamed she could have. The funny thing is that she has an excuse for all of them. I love her dearly, and I remember how surprised that I was to learn that I was pregnant with her. She was a surprise that has turned out to be a joy. She completes our family and brings spice to it too.

My Reflection

If I could describe Maddie, I would have to say she is sweet as could be. When she was first born, I was really ready for her. She did not cry much, and she was very easy going. Her asthma and allergies have been a challenge for her and us, but she doesn' t let that slow her down. She has such a kind spirit about her. She tends to have a strong desire to be obedient.

She loves the outdoors and loves sports. I often wonder how much to push her in sports. I really have no desire to be the parent that places their child in every sport, but I do want to push her to her potential. I know a lot of parents don't pursue their children's interests. They only pursue their own. The results are that a lot of kids end up settling for less in life. They never find their special place or thing that makes them feel like they fit. I want to help Maddie find that in life.

She really reminds me a lot of me. We have similar personalities. Sometimes, I think that I am looking at my reflection. She tends to take what is giving to her and doesn't complain-at least not much! She is so beautiful and not only on the outside. I really am blessed to be her mother!

Coming So Far!

When we moved to Texas, Megan was so disoriented. I believe that she felt lost. She experienced the same emotions that we had. We left a wonderful place where family and friends could comfort us and stand by us. We came to a place where we really knew no one. Meg is shy and scared a lot and anything knew for her is a big deal. When we first got here, she would not play soccer and would scream in the car before the practices. It took her 6 weeks to talk to her kindergarten teacher at school. She has always had a shy side. I know this shy side of her has to do with fear. If she is comfortable around you, she tends to come out of her shell.

Since 3 years ago, she has started to bloom a little. I see the sweetness of her soul. Sometimes when a child is having problems adjusting and their behavior is not pleasing to you, we tend to forget the child behind the problem. As Meg continues to grow up, I have began to see a wonderful godly girl who really loves the Lord and desires to do the right thing. I am excited to see how the Lord will use Meg when she grows up. It really has been a privilege to be her mom! She has come to far. She now is on a soccer team, has friends at school, and talks at church.

The Crossover weekend!

We have finally gotten our internet changed, and now I can post some pics from the crossover retreat with the teens. We played and watched all weekend and it was great!The girls favorite was pickle ball. Steve looks pretty good in the crud war! The teens had 3 rounds of it and they got to throw flour, shaving cream, and then horse yuck on eachother.

I need to say that this last week has been extremely hard. We had an incident that I can't talk about. And yesterday, Steve had his second test done on his throat. They stretched it again, and they said that they would have to do it again in 8weeks. We also heard tonight that Steve's oldest sister is in the hospital for some tests.

We had 2 soccer games today and another one tomorrow. Maddie's team killed the team they played and Megan's team only scored one point and got beat pretty bad.

Some good news from this last week is that my brother's family is moving back to the Tricity area. He just accepted a job with King Pharmaceuticals in Bristol. I am excited for him and Teal. Now, with there new addition, they can be closer to mom and dad. I am sure that they will take advantage of that free babysitting that grandmothers do!

3 Tues

1. We got back from a youth retreat late Sunday afternoon (pics later). The girls and I had a good time. Steve did too. He sure was exhausted on Monday. I think he caught a cold and just gave and gave and gave. We had 200 on the retreat. He was short a leader which was stressful, but it worked out okay. We had a speaker brought in for 6th and 7th. Steve taught the 8th. Alot of the 8th grade was thanking Steve for his honesty on Love, Sex, and Dating. I heard that they had their traditional burning at the bonfire after the 8th grade girls left! I am not sure what Steve burned? All in All, it turned out to be a good retreat! I think there was some decisions made about Christ, which is exciting!

2. My next exciting event is a field trip with Megan. They are going to the Dallas arboretum which is beautiful this time of year.

3. Also, we are finally changing internet providers. Finally! It has been very frustrating and a painful. I would not recommend it.

Growing Up

As I picked up Meg from school yesterday, she walked out with her bag of goodies. She and Steve had participated in the American Heart Association Jumprope thing at her school. She raise money and jumped rope for it. She received gifts for raising money. I thought she looked so cute with her big bag of stuff. She looked so proud and excited. When we got to the car, she pulled up her shirt a little and clipped to her belt loop was a radio that had earphones.

At the time, I did not think much about the radio. We got home, and she crawled out of the back. She had the earphones in, and I realized that I had no idea what she was listening too. It scared me. I told her that her dad probably needed to approve what she listens to. She told me that it's okay I don't listen to the words. Oh my! Can you believe it? I use to listen to teenagers say the same thing. I can't help worrying about the future.

The neat thing was that she was clicking through stations, and said I better turn the station because this is rap music. I think that it is bad. I did not even know that Meg knew what rap music was. I am consistently praying for my kids to make the right choices and lean on God for their direction. I know ultimately they have to be gently guided with a lot of prayer.-Seeing your kids grow up is hard.

Who knew!

Okay, I just wanted to let you know that I will not be blogging for awhile. We are trying to switch internet providers, and they said it could take up to two weeks. Boy, what a bummer. I thought that a switch in service would only take a day or two. Who knew! I suppose that we will have to occupy our time by watching more TV!

Early 3 Tuesdays

After Beaver Bend , We went to the Dallas Zoo!Megan's favorite animal!

I am going to be to busy tomorrow and our internet is going to be changed today, so here are some early things:

1. We lost both the girl's soccer games on Saturday. Boo-hoo!

2. Spring fever is no more, because I think Spring has arrived here in Texas. Things are blooming and the temperature is going to be in the 60's to the 80's. Sorry Lisa!

3. In 2 weeks, we go to Pinecove for our spring youth retreat. In TN, our youth trips were in lodges. When we go to Pinecove on a retreat, I feel like that I am at summer camp. It is great! I know the teens like it. The girls and I just walk around and play pickle ball and ride horses!

A Quiet Retreat

Our Adventure at Beaver Bend

We enjoyed our quiet break. Our camping experience was great! We met some new friends. We fished, hung out and played. We did not catch any fish, but we told the kids since we live near a lake that we would try again when we got home. By the second night we decided to leave. So the next day, we traveled back to Dallas. We were just so cold at night that it made it a little hard. We came home and enjoyed the Dallas zoo and did some spring cleaning. As the week came to a close, Steve and I both felt rested. I also felt like our family bonded this past week. It was just a really great week!

The Good Things In Life

The kids last day was yesterday and it feels great. I love this time of year where the weather starts to warm up and things come back to life. Spring break is a wonderful time. Steve's actual break has not started yet. He preaches tomorrow. It is an honor for him to continue to get a chance to preach. Our pastor is so gracious to let him do it. He told me a couple of days ago that it is something that he loves doing. Eventhough I see him exhausted at times, I see him come alive with passion when he has the opportunity to speak to the whole body.

Today, my packing journey begins. I must get the camper ready for our trip. I also have to wash the car and vacuum it. It really needs it. There is something about our family van. It never stays clean inside for a very long time. I hope that chances when the girls get older. I am excited about our camping trip. I don't know if we will be bored or not. My objective on this trip is for us to just chill and enjoy each other as a family. I am looking for some good old peace and quiet. Everyone has said that Beaver Bend in Broken Arrow is beautiful. We will just see about that!

I learned some wonderful news last night. My brother and his wife are pregnant. She has not been to the doctor yet, but the home test confirmed it. I am so excited about it. I know that their little girl, named Madeline, wants a sister. I think that my brother would like a boy. I know my dad would like a little boy too. My girls want it to be a girl. They said boys are yuckie. I don't think they understand that cousin boys are okay especially cute little babies. Personally,I really just want them to have a healthy baby boy or girl.

I feel excited and encouraged. It seems like the good often out weighs the bad in life!

Wishing For a little Tuscan!

Lately, I have been finding myself wanting a little Tuscan. What does that mean? Well the other night, I watched an older movie called Under the Tuscan Sun. Yes, there was a gay couple and the main character thought she needed a man, but I still related a little. She had just went through a divorce that totally disoriented her. She ends up buying a house in Tuscany. It becomes her project to remodel this house. While upset, she explains to her realtor all the things she wants. Later, in the movie, he reminds her that she had receive all of it. She had not gotten it the way she thought she would. Tuscany became her healing spot.

I guess lately that I have been wanting to find a place that could be my refudge. I think that some of the past couple weeks have brought me to a point where I need a Tuscany -a place to recover, a place to call my own, a place to restrengthen and a place to find peace. I kind of think we probably all need one.

Okay, enough of that mushy stuff. Here are my Tuesday things:

1. When your hard drive crashes, it is bad especially if you have not backed it up! You basically start your computer life over. I know what I am talking about because it happened this last week to me.


2.We are going to Beaver Bend Monday for a camping trip. I am excited. We picked up the camper Sunday. Tipp, a friend from Watermark, has been so kind to let us use it.

3. Please pray for us. Steve's test came back that he had something that needs to be watched because it can turn into cancer easily. Also, pray for a way for us to finish Steve's seminary degree with out it killing us. The financial worry and the mental toll is overwhelming for us!

Tuesday 4's

1. We start soccer practice this week which takes a lot of time out our nights. It is fun but gets crazy. I quit Bunco, because one of the practices was on that night. Oh,well!

2. Steve still feels weak from this past weekend experience. He got behind in his studies a little. He is feeling overwhelmed and weary. He finally gets a break with Spring Break soon. I have never seen him so overwhelmed with how to get everything done. Sometimes, I wonder if we can do what God has asked us to do!

3. I wish Greek was not so hard!

4.We finally got a well deserved rain this last weekend!

A Hell of a Weekend!

Okay, maybe my title is a little strong, but you can judge for yourself. It all started Thursday night. Madison began saying I don't feel well. She did not want her dinner. I knew something was up. She usually will eat something. She started throwing up at 7:00pm. At about 8:00pm, Megan said, I don't feel good. I thought maybe she was just grossed out about Madison puking.

I told Megan to go to bed. Well, Megan sleeps in the top bunk. She has her own world up there. Her American doll has her bed up there as well as shelves and hooks for her accessories and clothes. While Madison was on the couch (because she had already puked in her bed while sleeping), I heard a cough from the bedroom. I ran back there, because I had feared that Megan had thrown up. Well, my fear was correct. I stepped in and got blasted. It went everywhere and she was in her top bunk!

I moved Megan to the other couch and Steve began the clean up. We were out of sheets, and the laundry began. He was extremely mad, because earlier we had called the on call doctor (who I don't like and now Steve doesn't like) and he would not give us anything for Madison. By the way, I don't use that doctor at all when we have office visits. The girls threw up until about 4:00am. We all sleep in the den and I got up every hour to hold a bucket. Luckily, Mackenzie did not get sick.

Do you think this is the end of my little weekend. No, no, no! The next day Steve had a scheduled endoscopy procedure. I told him lets just reschedule. He said, if I have to reschedule then I am not going to do it. Michelle comes over and keeps the kids and off we go 35 mins away to get this procedure done. We arrive at the place and waited and waited only to find out that Steve was not suppose to have anything to drink. I told him that he could have water. I thought the lady on the phone had said that he could drink it before the test.

We ended up having to wait for an hour and half, so we went to REI outdoor store. It is the coolest place. Unfortunately, we don't have any money to buy the cool things that exist in the store. We go back and I wait another 2 hours and he finally is done. He is totally out of it. His results were not great. He has to have this procedure again in 6 weeks. He also will probably have to have it either yearly or every two years. I guess that I should tell you why he had to have this done. He basically has been choking on certain foods for years. I made him go and get this done, and he certainly did not want to get it done. The doctor also told us that Steve had lesions in his stomach and he will be on medicine for at least a year.

We get home and Steve goes to bed. He sleeps for a while and then by 4:00pm I got to the drug store to fill the prescription the doctor had given us. I went because Steve's chest started hurting terribly. We thought it might be bad gas, so I went to get it filled. In the meantime, Steve calls the doctors office to ask if it was okay to take another medicine for the heartburn, because it was killing him. They say you need to get to the hospital NOW! He calls me and I come home. With Steve and the kids, we take off to the hospital. This hospital is near our church, so it takes 30 mins to get there. On this day, it took 40 mins, because it was raining like crazy.

All the way there, I was worried because I had nowhere to take my kids. I had used up Michelle that day and she was at work by now. Several people offered to help but Steve did not want to send the kids with someone that they never knew or send them somewhere they had never been. Megan said don't make us go with someone. I think she was scared. I know she is old enough to know when things could possible be dangerous. I called Steve's boss, because he had called earlier to offer any help.

When I called, his wife answered their phone. She was so kind and gracious. She said I will be right there and we will figure out what you want to do. The Lord knew what I needed to hear. She came to the hospital and so did her husband. She said my parents are out of town and they live right across the street. You and the girls can go there and Paul can stay with Steve. I was reluctant to leave Steve, but something that I did not mention earlier was that I had a temperature. I had either caught what the girls had or I was just exhausted. I decided that her idea was just what I needed. So, I left Steve on the floor of the emergency waiting room (yes, he was hurting that bad--we think he had the virus by that time as well.). Paul told me later that they put Steve on a portable bed to sleep on because a nurse was fussing to him about being on the floor. She said that hospital floors were dirty.

Well, we ended up spending the night at this house and Steve ended up okay (except fot the virus, which kept him running to the bathroom all night. Fortunately, he hadn't eaten since midnight so he only had to deal with the "lower" end). I have to say that I had the best night's sleep that I have ever had since we moved to Texas. This house was in a neighborhood that was extremely quiet. In our neighborhood, I hear cars going all night long up and down the street. It sure felt like a terrible weekend. Eventhough it felt like hell, I was amazed at how the DeHaven's took care of us. So, I guess that God took care of us by sending them to our rescue. Maybe, God showed us what his true nature is like. He is not going to leave me out in the cold with out help. Thanks-God and Thanks-Dehaven's!

So, what do you think? Was it a Hell of a weekend or not?

I usually don't say that word that much -just for everybody's information!

Tuesday's Threes

1. I have found it fascinating the response that Steve has had from his sermon. He really did an excellent job. I know that it was hard to say some of the things that he said. The funny thing is that I was not shocked at his info. I think that so much of what he said this last Sunday is just a part of us. We often discuss what the "Church" should be like in the next generation. I guess that I am just in awe that some of this is new thinking for some individuals.

2. My highlights turned out great. Emilee did a great job. She is so hip. I really appreciated her doing my hair.

3. I am now beginning to realize that our camping trip is next month. I am getting myself mentally prepared for it. For Spring Break, we are going up to Oklahoma to a state park to camp. The burnban creates a little problem with cooking. I guess that means cold food. Even so, I know the girls will have a great time.

A Little Late 2 Tuesday

Okay, I am a little late with the these interesting facts, but oh well.

1. I have switched to a new hair stylist. She is sooo much better. She is on youth staff with Steve. Today, I go to get my hair highlighted. I am excited, because I finally found a way to spend my Christmas money on me. Steve's mother said, " Now I want you to spend this on you." I have saved it and saved it, because I did not know how to cope with that challenge. A stay home mom whose husband is a pastor and a seminary student does not tend to spend a lot on just herself. So, I am excited!

2. My little news is that I have been a nervous wreck. I have my first 5 hours exam this Saturday for obtaining my teaching license in Texas. I have not taken exam in 10 years. I am also not a good test taker and there is a good chance that I may have to take it over. Last week, there was an interesting report on North Texas teachers in Dallas county. There have been numerous reports of teachers having to take the teaching exam multiple times. One guy had taken it 47 times. Okay, if you have to take it 47 times then maybe you are in the wrong profession. I suppose that if I can pass it and beat his attempts that I will be okay! Wish me well!

Tuesday Twos

1 Today, I have to go to Lowe's to buy a swing for Kenzie. She does not like her baby swing anymore. While I am there, I also have to buy fire ant stuff for the yard as well as buy spray for the house. Yes, Spring brings back all of those wonderful little pests that only give me headaches. For some reason, it is only February and plants are blooming here.

2. I am trying to study for a teaching exam that is next Saturday. I only have one problem every time I start to study the girls like to run through the house screaming! Where is quiet mouse when you need him?

I Am Not Too Upset!

Today, I must say was a full day. We went to church, and I served in the kindergarten class. I then picked up all of my kids from their classes and went to Steve's 7th and 8th grade class. Our church changed our meeting times today, because of the Super Bowl. I really was confused all morning. I enjoyed sitting in Steve's class. They played games and did worship. It was neat to see the teens again. It is so rare that I am involved with them anymore.

We went to eat at McAllister Deli for lunch. It was good. Steve and I like it a lot and the price is reasonable. Afterwards, we came home and I read over the new curriculum that our class will be working on starting in March. It comes from Northpointe. I really liked it. Then the girls and I worked on a letter to our Compassion International child. Megan wrote it and they all drew her pictures.

Afterwards, we played soccer until it was time for the Super Bowl. Then, I began my ritual of feeding the family. I made shrimp cocktail. They all loved that and when I went back in to get a bite it was all gone. I really did not know that my kids even liked shrimp. I then brought in carrots and celery with ranch dressing. Steve looked at me and said, "oh good you brought the kids something". He doesn't like vegetables.

The main course was chili nachos with tomatoes, cheese, and green onions. Yes, my kids like green onions. I know it is weird. This was accompanied by potato skins. Steve ate most of them. For desert, we enjoyed fudge brownie with chocolate syrup and ice cream.

Okay, I usually don't cook like this but it was Super Bowl Sunday! I then washed the kids and read to them for about 45 minutes. They finally were all asleep at about 8:30pm. I really don't even know who did what in the Super bowl. I really can't say that I watched any of the Super Bowl. It is kind of funny that my day revolved around this event, and I really had nothing to do with it except hear it in the faint distance. Oh well, I am not too upset.